Kinsman Hall was filled with all types of personalities. Our personalities and perspectives dictated how we reacted to the mistakes we made including those mistakes in the romance department. Without failing or at least stumbling, a person can never truly appreciate the times when they get it right and learn some valuable lesson. Without mistakes, a person can never reap the full benefits of experience and without experience, compassion and understanding is virtually impossible to obtain. Without a broken heart, a person will never fully appreciate true love when it comes their way. So we loved each other at Kinsman Hall imperfectly and often.
Perhaps those people who are in constant denial and never see themselves as making mistakes are great examples of people whose growth is stunted due to the lack of insight and valuable lessons learned through making mistakes. Where can a person who is already perfect go? They can’t improve. They can’t learn! They can’t grow! The only direction they could go is down. The narcissistic, self-centered, egomaniacs seem to be the ones who fall in love fastest and the hardest. They never learn the truth. They never see themselves as others see them. When things don’t go as they want, their pain is always the greatest. No one in their eyes can ever relate to anything they have experienced because they never believe anyone feels as deeply as they feel or loves as completely as they love. A narcissistic person never feels another persons pain nor can they ever walk in that person's shoes.
Where does it leave a person if they are completely void of being able to identify with another person and to actually feel someone else’s pain as if it were their own? I'm sure occasionally all of us have moments where we truly do understand how a person feels and at that moment, we can step inside that person's shoes and feel their sorrow or joy. The narcissistic person never makes that intimate connection with anyone. For a narcissistic person life is a hollow existence...void of all things that truly matter.
Somehow...almost by accident, each person who entered Kinsman Hall from its birth until its death formed a lasting bond with everyone who had experienced the same unique time warp. Somehow, most people grew to feel that spirit of unity along the way and didn’t feel alone or isolated. They sensed the path they were on was a well traveled one. A few chose to not feel that bond because they saw their feelings and experience as being unique. They truly believed they had suffered more, had deeper feelings and of course, were more mistreated than anyone else. What a lonely journey through life it is for anyone who can’t recognize, believe and feel the bond that existed amongst each person who called Kinsman Hall home. Without acceptance of this bond, our journey is void of companionship and yes, love. We each have our own story to tell, but the truth is that each path, each story is no better or worse than the next person’s. The journey we took was not without others. We were not alone. Our path was never into a life without real compassion or love. Our path was one riddled with mistakes and agony, but one where we learned how to love and connect even when those connections were flawed or not meant to last.
In order to point out mistakes being made in order to make us aware of our own bad behavior, the “blow away” was an excellent eye opener. It was frequently used and more frequently abused. Its purpose was to point out bad behavior in a very intense, exaggerated manner...up close, personal and extremely loud. For lack of anything else to compare a blow-away to, I'll compare it to what we imagine a drill instructor would do to his troops while they train at boot camp in the good old days (I hear boot camp is not as severe now). The drill instructor gives his troops stress and never slacks off from his mission of remolding what he is given into well-trained, well-disciplined soldiers ready to defend our country.
At Kinsman hall, the blow-away was the ultimate pull-up followed by a “thank-you” and only a “thank you." Blow-aways could only be given by people in positions of authority whereas pull-ups were used amongst crew members or people on the same level. For example, a ramrod observes his/her crew working too slowly and not doing what they’re supposed to be doing. People are probably goofing off and talking too much so the work isn't getting done expeditiously. First, the ramrod would holler for his/her crew to "line up" or to "take their positions." Lining up was like coming to attention in the military...eyes straight forward and standing completely erect side by side or in formation as the military calls it. Next, the ramrod would express dissatisfaction to the crew in some loud, demeaning way. Some people had a natural gift at doing this and could make a person’s toes curl just by opening their mouths. Finally, the crew would say "thank you" in unison and then resume working in a way that would reflect that they were attempting to correct their bad behavior. Often times, blow aways would be given without merit when word came down from above that the house needed to be tightened up as a whole. The “stress” level was increased to accomplish that.
Where does it leave a person if they are completely void of being able to identify with another person and to actually feel someone else’s pain as if it were their own? I'm sure occasionally all of us have moments where we truly do understand how a person feels and at that moment, we can step inside that person's shoes and feel their sorrow or joy. The narcissistic person never makes that intimate connection with anyone. For a narcissistic person life is a hollow existence...void of all things that truly matter.
Somehow...almost by accident, each person who entered Kinsman Hall from its birth until its death formed a lasting bond with everyone who had experienced the same unique time warp. Somehow, most people grew to feel that spirit of unity along the way and didn’t feel alone or isolated. They sensed the path they were on was a well traveled one. A few chose to not feel that bond because they saw their feelings and experience as being unique. They truly believed they had suffered more, had deeper feelings and of course, were more mistreated than anyone else. What a lonely journey through life it is for anyone who can’t recognize, believe and feel the bond that existed amongst each person who called Kinsman Hall home. Without acceptance of this bond, our journey is void of companionship and yes, love. We each have our own story to tell, but the truth is that each path, each story is no better or worse than the next person’s. The journey we took was not without others. We were not alone. Our path was never into a life without real compassion or love. Our path was one riddled with mistakes and agony, but one where we learned how to love and connect even when those connections were flawed or not meant to last.
In order to point out mistakes being made in order to make us aware of our own bad behavior, the “blow away” was an excellent eye opener. It was frequently used and more frequently abused. Its purpose was to point out bad behavior in a very intense, exaggerated manner...up close, personal and extremely loud. For lack of anything else to compare a blow-away to, I'll compare it to what we imagine a drill instructor would do to his troops while they train at boot camp in the good old days (I hear boot camp is not as severe now). The drill instructor gives his troops stress and never slacks off from his mission of remolding what he is given into well-trained, well-disciplined soldiers ready to defend our country.
At Kinsman hall, the blow-away was the ultimate pull-up followed by a “thank-you” and only a “thank you." Blow-aways could only be given by people in positions of authority whereas pull-ups were used amongst crew members or people on the same level. For example, a ramrod observes his/her crew working too slowly and not doing what they’re supposed to be doing. People are probably goofing off and talking too much so the work isn't getting done expeditiously. First, the ramrod would holler for his/her crew to "line up" or to "take their positions." Lining up was like coming to attention in the military...eyes straight forward and standing completely erect side by side or in formation as the military calls it. Next, the ramrod would express dissatisfaction to the crew in some loud, demeaning way. Some people had a natural gift at doing this and could make a person’s toes curl just by opening their mouths. Finally, the crew would say "thank you" in unison and then resume working in a way that would reflect that they were attempting to correct their bad behavior. Often times, blow aways would be given without merit when word came down from above that the house needed to be tightened up as a whole. The “stress” level was increased to accomplish that.
Sometimes the heads would really roll when a staff member would line up the whole crew including the ramrod and the department head. Usually if a staff member blew away a whole crew, they accompanied it by "tossing" something. If they tossed the dorms that meant all the dressers were emptied into the middle of the floor along with all the contents of the closets. By the time the dorms were turned upside down, it took hours to straighten them out again.
Many times upon completion, the staff member would return to inspect the dorm and end up tossing them again. When this sort of thing would happen it was called a GI. The purpose of an GI was twofold - stress and cleanliness. When the higher ups thought the house was getting too soft, too lax and needed to be tightened up, a GI was just the kind of thing that could do exactly that. Turned loose in the kitchen, they tossed all dishes, pots, pans and silverware all over the floor. After creating a total mess, the crew was expected to clean the area as fast as possible because meals needed to be prepared except if the GI was done at night and then the house might be up all night doing the same thing over and over again. This meant everything that had come in contact with the floor had to be run through the dishpan at the same time being blown away constantly by the ramod, department head and staff member running the GI. If it wasn't done fast enough or to the specifications of that staff member, then the area would get tossed again and again until either the crew finally did it correctly if there really was a correct way to clean a tossed area or the staff member grew tired of creating the mess. A crew could always expect more of the same given by the department head and ramrod after the staff member left the area. It was the trickle down theory and those on the bottom of the pile got flooded with the worst of it. Imagine total chaos and then multiply it by ten and you will come close to what I just described.
Some days it seemed little work was actually done because the crew spent most of its time lining up and saying “thank you.” Confrontations (blow-aways and pull-ups) were referred to as "stress" and stress was an integral part of the program. It wasn't until much later that I figured out why Dean Hepper, creator of Kinsman Hall felt stress was necessary.
At first, all that yelling and chaos seemed so stupid and at times was extremely comical. Living in a stress-free environment would have been great, but it would have been very unlike the real world. We all face everyday stressors and are expected to cope in a mature, acceptable way when faced with a problem or met with a challenge of any kind. Many people turned to drugs as a means of coping with problems and to alter that impulse one had to be driven like a robot in their response. Much like Pavlov dogs, the residents were reconditioned to respond in what was deemed a positive way of coping with stress. We were trained to react by doing, not by thinking. Reactions were synchronized and the whole thinking and planning element of the process was removed and done for us. We became robots programmed to behave in certain ways under certain conditions. I think what was overlooked was that once a person left Kinsman Hall, blow-aways ceased to exist. Reinforcement ceased to exist! We were armed for the transition back into the real world with nothing more than well wishes from a support group located far away from what our everyday lives would be like once we left Kinsman Hall. Virtually, we were on our own and left with our own devices once again. For some of us, those devices weren't very strong.
Many times upon completion, the staff member would return to inspect the dorm and end up tossing them again. When this sort of thing would happen it was called a GI. The purpose of an GI was twofold - stress and cleanliness. When the higher ups thought the house was getting too soft, too lax and needed to be tightened up, a GI was just the kind of thing that could do exactly that. Turned loose in the kitchen, they tossed all dishes, pots, pans and silverware all over the floor. After creating a total mess, the crew was expected to clean the area as fast as possible because meals needed to be prepared except if the GI was done at night and then the house might be up all night doing the same thing over and over again. This meant everything that had come in contact with the floor had to be run through the dishpan at the same time being blown away constantly by the ramod, department head and staff member running the GI. If it wasn't done fast enough or to the specifications of that staff member, then the area would get tossed again and again until either the crew finally did it correctly if there really was a correct way to clean a tossed area or the staff member grew tired of creating the mess. A crew could always expect more of the same given by the department head and ramrod after the staff member left the area. It was the trickle down theory and those on the bottom of the pile got flooded with the worst of it. Imagine total chaos and then multiply it by ten and you will come close to what I just described.
Some days it seemed little work was actually done because the crew spent most of its time lining up and saying “thank you.” Confrontations (blow-aways and pull-ups) were referred to as "stress" and stress was an integral part of the program. It wasn't until much later that I figured out why Dean Hepper, creator of Kinsman Hall felt stress was necessary.
At first, all that yelling and chaos seemed so stupid and at times was extremely comical. Living in a stress-free environment would have been great, but it would have been very unlike the real world. We all face everyday stressors and are expected to cope in a mature, acceptable way when faced with a problem or met with a challenge of any kind. Many people turned to drugs as a means of coping with problems and to alter that impulse one had to be driven like a robot in their response. Much like Pavlov dogs, the residents were reconditioned to respond in what was deemed a positive way of coping with stress. We were trained to react by doing, not by thinking. Reactions were synchronized and the whole thinking and planning element of the process was removed and done for us. We became robots programmed to behave in certain ways under certain conditions. I think what was overlooked was that once a person left Kinsman Hall, blow-aways ceased to exist. Reinforcement ceased to exist! We were armed for the transition back into the real world with nothing more than well wishes from a support group located far away from what our everyday lives would be like once we left Kinsman Hall. Virtually, we were on our own and left with our own devices once again. For some of us, those devices weren't very strong.