These are excerpts (unedited) from the original Kinsman Hall Message Board where we all used to go to interact with each other, to share memories and to just shoot the shit about anything and everything.
INITIAL REACTIONS TO FINDING THE KINSMAN HALL WEBSITE:
Bruce A posted
10/20/02
I'm truly
amazed and my hands are shaking.
Kerry posted 1/15/04
I can't believe
there is a site about KH! I'm 1 of the um, dropouts of KH, started out in
Hillsdale around 70 or 71, split, (and was found by Joe M) and shuffled to
Jackman where I 'LIVED" for maybe 9 mo/1 yr?? Anyway, I VIVIDLY remember
Pegi C (she was my mortal enemy) so of course, Barbara Hepper thought she
should be my big sister (didn't last long- another girl named Barbara took
over) I remember I was gaga over a troubleshooter named Artie (who split in Jackman, and was found) and
another guy named Dennis, but he had the hots for Jill... Gene C and I were
"sort of" together, I remember I wrote a poem about KH and he wrote
music to it and sang/played it on his guitar... Faith might remember me, we
butted heads more than once- man I had more contracts and time on "the
chair" (I sat on it for almost a week before someone named Steve drove me
back home to Long Island... Wow, I always wondered what happened to everyone,
and KH, it's gone now???
Kerry posted 1/17/04
Karen- I seem
to be obsessed with KH right now, kind of ironic that when I was there I just
wanted to get away... Actually when I found this site I nearly pushed it back
again, not sure I wanted to dredge up the old demons, but it's good to face
them, and I really want to know about everyone else...
Brenda C posted 3/15/04
WHAT A BLESSING
THIS WEBSITE IS!!! I have been thinking about my days as a resident of Kinsman
Hall all those many years ago and what happen to some of the people. I decided
to do Google search and to my delight! I found this page. I was a member of the
orginal group of residents who opened up Hillsdale. As a young African American
woman who was addicted to drugs, I had no idea of how my experience at Kinsman
Hall would shape and impact me for the rest of my life. As I get older, I
appreciate the days I spent talking to Barbara & Dean (God rest their
souls) I appreciate all the haircuts and pullups and signs I had to wear. I
appreciate getting busted for making home-made "hooch" and getting
demoted from Dept. head of the Kitchen to dish washer. What I most appreciate
is when I was finally broken down in one of the many marathons and had to come
face to face with my demons. It was my first taste of humility. As I get older,
I realize that humility & grace are precious gifts. Thanks for allowing me
to share.
DISCUSSIONS ABOUT OBJECT LESSONS AND OTHER PUNISHMENTS:
Buddy M posted
11/23/02
Hey Scott, tell
me how you managed to make it through without ever getting a shaved head! I had
at least two a week. Nice to hear from you.
Scott S posted 11/23/02
Hello Buddy,
Good to hear from you. It wasn't easy keeping my wig. Ha! What a challenge it
was.
Jill posted 3/21/03
Ok, Queenie,
give us the count. How many GM's was it? I'm at 3, I think Gail ties me (or did
you come in at 2, Gail?). Keep the details to yourself, just give us the count.
Karen, your count?
Karen G posted 3/21/03
I'm a good girl
(or maybe I was just sneaky enough not to get caught at anything too often)...I
only had one GM and believe or not it came as a complete surprise to me. Like
they all say (I was completely innocent) Talk about developing a wicked case of
stage fright!!! I often wondered what would have happened if the GM recipient
had thrown up.....or wet themselves or better yet broke into song and
dance...followed by a joke or two. How many KH residents does it take to change
a light bulb? HMMMMMM ...that's a good one! None....they all were wearing them
as object lessons.
COMMENTS ON THE INEQUALITY OF THE SEXES
Karen G posted
12/27/02
I have a
question...the males have made mention to listening to music in the
dorms....HMMMMMM What's up with that? The females never had music in the dorms
except when Gail would sing. So guys what other privileges did you get that we
didn't know about?
Steve S posted 12/27/02
well Karen, we
had a great view of Sally Mountain & Moose River from the bathroom windows.
"Those thoughts of freedom, it's all I ever had." -Bob Marley-
SOME JOBS WERE BETTER THAN OTHERS
Scott S posted
11/28/02
Hello, This is
"Commissary" Bruce, isn't it? What a great job you had! Getting to
count inventory and hang out with those fresh Lucky Strikes and Camels
downstairs. It had to beat busting suds or chasing woolies.
KINSMAN HALL’S GOURMET FOODS:
Scott S posted
11/26/02
I've never been
able to eat oatmeal again or look another glass of Kool-Aid in the eye. Does
anyone remember the flank steak? We weren't allowed the hatchets and knives to
work on it. I've just begun to eat PB&J again.
Buddy M posted 11/26/02
FLANK STEAK????
Boy, did they see you coming. HA HA
Scott S posted 11/26/02
What was that
rubbery brown stuff? If you could ever get a piece cut off you could chew it
for 5 minutes without it changing shape.
Karen G posted 11/26/02
We'll have to
ask someone who cooked on the kitchen crew what the mystery meat really was and
are you sure you really want an answer?
Gail A posted 11/26/02
I was on the
kitchen crew a lot and I believe the mystery meat was, "ROAD KILL"
Buddy M posted 11/26/02
Road kill
mystery meat!!! Wake up I was on the split team nobody ever got away, but not
everybody returned, ponder that!
Karen G posted 11/27/02
FYI.....Bernie's
second cousin was Jeffrey Dahmer!
Ned W posted 12/10/02
For some
unknown reason, I don't remember eating anything, but peanut butter and jelly,
cereal with plastic milk and sunday morning eggs and potatoes you peeled the
night before.
I really liked
room service and those long leisurely breakfasts served in bed. <SIGH>
Gary B posted 12/16/02
Hey Scotty,
beam me up. The only thing missing in that koolaid was Jim Jones. Hey, those were some fun times..actually a
lot more than just some.
What are you
complaining about? The flank steak was standard regulation brontosaurus flank -
once you got it cut, you snap your head back like a lizard to get it down. The
kool-aid was admittedly dilute, but no more than prescribed Bryan Official
Homeopathic Textbook. Stop complaining or you'll wear a sign.
MISCELLANEOUS SARCASM ABOUT KINSMAN HALL:
Karen G posted
1/17/04 3:02 PM
I think we all
suffer from a bit of Post Traumatic Kinsman Hall Syndrome -- join the club!
Steve S posted 1/1/03 4:24 PM
I thought long
and hard about my New Year's resolution. All these reunions have made me very
sentimental, but instead of getting all teary-eyed, I'm going to so something
positive to remind me of Kinsman Hall. Today I'm having my oil furnace removed,
and I am installing portable kerosene space heaters. I know, it sounds
expensive, but this is important. It's
my dream to have a space heater in each room, as I can afford them. I quit smoking awhile ago, but I'm putting
number 10 tin cans filled halfway with water in each room, as butt cans for my
visitors. To complete my redecoration, I'm moving my family into one room with
triple bunks on each side. There will be no discussion about this, and if there
is, family members will sleep on the floor without a mattress.
Karen G posted 1/1/03 4:29 PM
You go, Steve
and remember to have a clothing limit also. This ought to have a real positive
effect on your bank account, but make you very unpopular with the female family
members in your household. You can
compensate for their petty grumblings with more "flank steak" and
oatmeal.
Thanks,
Karen. I've already found some yellow
Renault aprons. We've made some stocking
caps, but other than that, two pair of jeans and a couple flannel shirts should
work for my family. Instead of family
meetings, we will be having general meetings to build their self esteem. But before we get started, I have to get some
oxygen. These space heaters are making
me dizzy!
JUST FOR FUN:
Topic: To all
the farm animals
Author: Old
MacDonald) posted 12/16/02 1:40 AM
What a long,
strange trip it's been!!!
Jerry Garcia posted 12/16/02 2:30 AM
Riding my
train, going to Maine, Casey Jones you better, watch your step.
Confusius posted 12/16/02 2:42 AM
Confusius says,
"Person who watches step, never moves forward."
Ned W posted 12/16/02 3:06 PM
I ain't gonna
work on Hepper's farm no more!
Bill Gates
posted 12/16/02 5:00 PM
Let me review
this so I have this all straight: On this site you have silly trollops, saucy
tarts, brazen strumpets, people in boxes, pompous fools, farm animals and
insensitive twits, not to mention an insignificant bonehead or two. My question
to whomever is the ringleader of this circus is "Have you ever considered
going on the Jerry Springer Show?"
Grace Slick
posted 12/16/02 10:07 PM
Jerry Springer
show? We'll go ask Alice, I think she'll know.
Arlo Guthrie
posted 12/17/02 2:16 AM
Speaking of
Alice....You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant (except Alice)
Jerry Springer
posted 12/17/02 5:11 PM
After close
review, I will have to reject this group from any consideration of being on the
show. You all are far too normal and have no tranvestite aliens who worship
Elvis by barking at the moon. If one should emerge or if someone with an
equally freakish persona should come forward, I will reconsider my decision.
Dorothy and
Toto posted 12/17/02 9:55 PM
Somewhere over
the rainbow, way up high, there is a place for you Mr. Springer and it ain't
very pretty, there are lions and tigers and bears oh my and we don't wanna be
on your stupid show anyway. Normal? You call this normal? Mr. Springer, I
protest! We are one sandwhich short of a picnic and if you can't see this, then
you should get your head examined and take some meds! You and your show can
kiss my grits! Good day to you sir!
Dalai Lama
posted 12/18/02 4:20 AM
Instructions
for Life written by Dali Lama
1. Take into
account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you
lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the
three Rs: Respect for self. Respect for others. Responsibility for all your
actions.
4. Remember
that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the
rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a
little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you
realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some
time alone every day.
9. Open your
arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember
that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a
good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to
enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving
atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In
disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't
bring up the past.
14. Share your
knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle
with the earth.
16. Once a
year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember
that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds
your need for each other.
18. Judge your
success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach
love and cooking with reckless abandon
Karen posted
12/18/02 5:46 PM
LOL...this is
some cast of characters. I'm wondering who will show up next.
Bob Weir, Jerry
Garcia, Robert Hunter, and friends posted 12/18/02 9:37PM
What in the
world ever became of sweet Jane? She went up to Maine you know she isn't the
same. Eatin' that flank steak, following up with cold drink, all a friend can
say is ain't it a shame.
Rhett Butler
posted 12/19/02 0:06 AM
Truthfully
Jerry, I don't give a damn!
Axl Rose posted
12/19/02 2:34 AM
Welcome to the
jungle!
Lou Reed posted
12/19/02 3:51 AM
I heard sweet
Jane took a walk on the wild side, changed her name and the rest is history.
Roger Waters
posted 12/19/02 6:02 AM
Hey Axl, you
can't have your pudding if you don't eat your meat.
Todd Rudgren
posted 12/20/02 0:26 AM
Hello it's me,
I've thought about us for a long long time. I made a lot of money singing
stupid rhymes. There's something here that doesn't last too long. I've been in
the discount bins way too long. Maybe you shouldn't think of me as much.
Davy Jones
posted 12/20/02 1:24 AM
Hey Hey we're
the monkeys, people say we're fooling around, but we're too busy corresponding
to let anybody pull us down. We're just tryin to remember, the way it used to
be, cause there was once upon a time, that we were family!
The Monkeys
posted 12/20/02 1:30 AM
Take the last
train from Jackman and I'll meet you at the station, we can meet there at 4:30
cause I've made a reservation, don't be late, oh no no no, cause I didn't think
I'd ever be going home, oh no no no, oh no no no.
Jim Morrison
posted 12/20/02 1:56 AM
Well the music
is your special friend Dance on fire as it intends Music is your only friend
Until the end Until the end Until the end!
THE UNKNOWN
RESIDENT posted 12/20/02 2:01 AM
My only
question is who do we get to sing a song at morning meeting?
Mary Poppins
posted 12/20/02 2:15 PM
Just a spoon
full of sugar helped the kool-aid go down, the kool-aid go down, the kool-aid
go down. Just a spoon full of sugar helped the kool-aid go down, in the most
disgusting way!
Santa Claus
posted 12/20/02 6:04 PM
'Twas the night
before Christmas, when all through the home,
The space
heaters were blowin and the music was on;
The residents
were snuggled all safe in their beds,
While visions of
sex, drugs and rock n roll danced through their heads…
Cheech and
Chong posted 12/28/02 5:18 AM
Hey man, Santa
went up in smoke
Hulk Hogan
posted 12/28/02 4:55 PM
YOU ALL BETTER
HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR YA GOT THAT BROTHER!!!
Cast from Green
Acres posted 1/2/03 0:16 AM
Kinsman Hall
was not the place for me, even if I were in good company, fresh air and being
wild and free, baby I love ya but give me Park Avenue.
Helter Skelter
posted 1/2/03 0:21 AM
when I get to
the bottom I'll go back to the top of the slide where I'll stop and I'll turn
and I'll go for a ride till I get to the bottom and I'll see you again, at the
reunion my friend!
Robert de Niro
posted 1/6/03 10:43 AM
You talking to
me? Whatta you talking to me? I thought we was on existence ban?
Pig Pen posted
1/8/03 8:39 PM
stevie, i'm
still lookin for my gas cap on rt.201...your real swift.gotta go i'm off to the
movies
GI JOE posted
1/10/03 4:02 PM
An Army ranger
was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his
girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while
he had been gone, she wanted to break up and she wants pictures of herself
back. So the Ranger does what any squared away Ranger would do. He went around to his buddies and collected
all the unwanted photos of women he could find.
He then mailed about 25 pictures to his girlfriend with the following
note: "I'm sorry I can't remember which one you are, but please take the
one that belongs to you and send the rest back.
Thank
you".
William
Shakespeare posted 1/12/03 5:20 AM
To grieve or
not to grieve----that is the question?????
James Cagney
posted 1/12/03 1:41 PM
You, You dirty
Rat, you must be the dirty rat that killed my Grief and turned it into a
mechanism
Rhett Butler
(again) posted 1/12/03 6:11 PM
Frankly, Willie
and Jimmy I don't give a damn. Now, get back to work!
Lestat posted
1/12/03 8:09 PM
Scarlett was
tasty, but does anyone know where Louie is?
Stephen King
posted 1/12/03 8:14 PM
Do I see a book
in the making? People are strange, when you're a stranger. Faces look ugly when
you're alone. People seem wicked, when you're unwanted. Streets are uneven,
when you're down. When you're strange- faces come out of the rain. When you're
strange- no one remembers your name. When you're strange, when you're strange,
when you're str-ange.
Jim Morrison
posted 1/12/03 10:04 PM
Come on baby
let me see those matches. And while you're at it, could you pass me that butt
can? Right - thanks!
Walt Disney
posted 1/12/03 11:40 PM
Jim, you really
should stop smoking. It's bad for your health. (There's an alien outside my
bedroom door and he's trying to scare me)
Mae West posted
1/12/03 11:46 PM
I just wanted
to let you know that all the farm animals are not just males, us girls know how
to MOO too.
Elsie The Cow
posted 1/13/03 5:51 AM
Right on, Mae!
Mae West Again
posted 1/14/03 11:32 PM
Is that a gun
in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? And if you really miss me,
remember, one knee is for Christmas, the other knee is for Easter, why don't
you come in-between the holidays and visit me sometime boys?
The Wolfman
posted 1/15/03 6:41 AM
And here I
thought you girls knew how to howl. GRRRR
A female Cat
posted 1/15/03 11:17 AM
We can howl
with the moon and roll with the thunder, are you ready for us cause we're
taking you under. We can scratch like a cat, or purr like a kitten, we do
whatever we feel is fittin! Our animal instincts are really quite charming, but
get on our bad side, it could be quite alarming!
confused Peter
Piper posted 1/16/03 11:29 PM
Peter Piper
packed a peck of pickled paprika, a pack of pickled paprika, peter piper
pecked, if peter piper tackled a pack of peppered paprika, then peter piper
freaked out once again.
The Wolfman
posted 1/17/03 6:17 AM
Well, if you
can be alarming I can be disarming and if you are somewhat charming I might
find that desiring. So if your ready to howl at the moon Hop on this Wolfman
and howl some tunes.
Ozzy Osbourne
posted 1/17/03 9:06 PM
Meet me in the
bleeping South Hallway. Any idea why you're bleeping up there? Oh bloody hell
now I've forgotten myself! Sharon! Where the bloody hell is Sharon?
Dennis Miller
posted 1/17/03 9:14 PM
Hey Ozzie, what
the fuck is a bleeping South Hallway? Don't make me go off on a rant!
Hillary Clinton
posted 1/17/03 9:16 PM
I was wondering
if sexual addictions can be treated here. No Ozzie, not in the South Hallway,
but in the marathon room. I think my husband needs to see Dean.
Bob Weir posted
1/18/03 5:42 PM
I'm gonna tell
ya how it's gonna be,
You're gonna
post your message to me,
I'm gonna read
it night and day,
You know your
message won't fade away.
Message for
real,
not fade away
not fade away
not fade away
phillip dendrum
posted 1/24/03 0:42 AM
is there enough
space in a big room for as many hallers to eat drink and be merry i need a
miracle. Mel
Inkball posted
1/24/03 1:12 AM
Where's the
beef? Who's on first? What’s your name? Is it Peggy or Sue? Do I stand a chance
with you? I have no more banana peels so I’m smoking morning glory seeds and
when I think of you I touch myself. I need bronto burger, I need Bambi burgers,
and a mass card for Hestien. Oh Tina P, oh great Rufus, oh sharp quills of the
unforgiving porcupine. I'm gonna get serious for a few moments then follow up
with more bullshit. OK? The snow muffled the sounds of the ice cold steely
beast, that awful train, it chewed them up and spit them out. And then the
peaceful mother earth returned to us all, slowly it seemed....quoting the whole
earth catalog or was it cantaloupe? Am I a dope? There's too much slope. I'm
sliding.
Yoda posted
1/24/03 2:34 AM
Feel the force,
you space gremlins and remember: do or do not ...there is no try…
KINSMAN HALL POETRY:
Gail posted
10/30/03 11:49 PM
I remember a
time and place
when I was
young and having fun
well, my life
had just begun.
Instead of worrying
about my future,
I remember
going forward,
no matter what
the cost,
didn't care if
I got lost
didn't care if
I was right or wrong
I remember
being puzzled,
but laughing it
away,
I'd close my
eyes and make believe
it was just
another day
I remember life
being clueless
but I still
remember pain
God, life was
so much easier
when I was half
insane!
I know I had to
grow up
but I don't
remember why
the funny child
inside me
laid down and
tried to die
But it's
remembering my past
and who I am
today
that makes me
whole and thank the Lord
that I turned
out this way
To be or not to
be posted 10/12/03 4:40 PM
Stand up tall and in a line
Say the answer
just one time
Thank you one
and thank you all
but thank you
most to Kinsman Hall.
I learned a
lesson, I learned it well
I learned it
from the gates of hell
They had me
once upon a mat
I cried out
loud and there they sat
The room was
full, the lights were dim
I couldn’t tell
where I had been
But there upon
two bended knees
Was a friend
who set me free
With out
stretched arms just for me
Offered
acceptance unconditionally
So now each
time I want to whine
I think of
Maine and I am fine
I think of
times; of friends I knew
I think of
Maine when I am blue
With each
thought comes hope renewed
A guilded room
without a view.
Within that
room for months I spent
and learned
that love was heaven sent
Transcending
time and distance too
I hear a song
just for you
Stand up tall
and in a line
Say the answer
just one time
Thank you one
and thank you all
but thank you
most to Kinsman Hall.
Following My
Heart posted 4/19/04 9:30 PM
amidst the
onlookers
he reluctantly
steps forward
his mighty
sword drawn
glistening in
the brilliant sunlight
casting a
retrospective shadow upon the emotional vampires
lurking in
places that we can not...must not admit exist
emphasizing the
difference between good and evil
between love
and hate
between life
and death
he lives
imprisoned within those shades of gray
never seeing
the black or the white
only knowing
that they exist somewhere faraway
sensing that it
cries out to him, but not knowing how to follow
or where to
start his journey
believing that
with just one well placed word
love's soul
will be emancipated
and the force
released will ignite an eternal flame
a beacon
a light to
guide him on his way
but
he stands alone
and confused
fearful that
any step, any movement
will embed him
deeper into the paralysis of never knowing
as he stands
trembling
wanting so
desperately to become real
she whispers
softly to him:
close your eyes
and follow your heart
REUNION COMMENTS:
Killer posted 3/26/03 4:38AM
Headline:(1972) Hippies and drug addicts are housed in old
lodge in the woods! CAUTION! Headline: (2003) Dated Hippies and ailing drug
addicts housed in old lodge in the woods! CAUTION!
THE KINSMAN HALL DRAMA CLUB AND HOSTILITY SESSION:
Buddy posted 6/16/03 6:58 AM
Josh,
It has been
brought to my attention that you have a problem and you seem to want to
threaten people regarding their freedom of speech. I take a very dim view of
this and I also regard you as a small and that is exaggerating it, person. I
could go on, but it serves no purpose. Since you and I live in the same area
maybe we can get together and come to an understanding, if not shut-up. No one
cares about you or your putney ass. And Mark stop harassing Karen and telling
her you told (NAME REMOVED AS REQUESTED) every time his name is mentioned. She
has enough problems without you punks bothering her. I on the other hand would
be glad to let you bother me and I will make every effort to meet with you so
you can let me know just what you want to say.
Author
zmzmzmX10 posted 6/1/03 4:35 AM
I am taking over for a few minutes. It is Karen that is responsible for bringing us altogether. It is only through her persistence and dedication that Kinsman Hall still lives. Something that, for all of us, was a very big part of our lives.
Youngblood posted 6/1/03 3:00 PM
Is Karen really responsible for bringing us all together or
just supplying us with a choice to make?
Youngblood posted 6/1/03 4:33 PM
To be or not to be! That is the question.
Buddy posted 3/19/03 6:19 PM
WELL, WELL Who have we here Jill Sahner. That name rings a
bell, Oh yeah you were one of the contributors to my 100 plus shaved heads.
Remember those happy days? Nice to see you made it to this site. So after 30
years are you still hot? Sorry to talk this way, but I have an image to
protect. Gail & Karen would never forgive me if I behaved (in the normal
sense). What will it take to entice me to climb into your topic? NICE CHOICE OF
WORDS my answer might be IM always up for your topic. It's really nice hearing
from you lets continue this dribble. YA GOT THAT BROTHER. BUDSTER
Jill S posted 3/19/03 11:24 PM
Budddddddy! It's so nice to hear from you! Thanks for the
hot vote! I know I'm hot now but I was getting a little insecure about then
when I didn't even get honorable mention in the Hottest Babes topic! Sure I
remember those 'happy days'. We found fun where we could. I'm sending Karen
some pics. Couldn't find a recent one of me for the 30 years later so I'm
sending one of my Grandmother! Hey, where do ya think I got my hottie gene? Ya
better be coming to the reunion. Keep on dribbling!
Buddy posted 3/20/03 0:49 AM
What do you mean I better be coming to the reunion, I am the
reunion. In case you haven't noticed I now have a messiah complex. And its one
of my better attributes. I just heard a joke. You guys should like this. What
do sperm and lawyers have in common? They both have a one in ten million chance
of ever becoming a human being. Speaking of dribbling do you remember the
basketball they made me wear and why it was removed as an object lesson after I
started wearing it?
mooseheade posted 12/3/03 3:19
thank you all for your kind words. I am truly trying to
rise above and change. I'm afraid the dr. is right though. I have fallen and
can't get up. I have been fine for years, I laughed, I cried, I lived, I was
normal. Today I spent weeping. I DO NOT WEEP! Today I just wept and wept and
weep even still. This is not right, but what my mind will not recognize my
heart will never forget, try and try as I will. I remember my inauguration into
the "hall" was at Jackie and Bob's GM. I didn't know that any of you
were even there then. We (and I say we because I did nothing to stop it)
stripped them to their underwear, head shaved and stocking cap on, placed them
on top of piano and spent the next three hrs. destroying them for having
"gotten down". We even took breaks to rally the troops to pound them
even harder to soften them up because they were unrepentent. We were finally
provoked to the cause when we to were threatend with extended work contracts
for poor performance. I cannot forget these things, I want to, God knows, and
perhaps that is why He has brought me back here to help disspell some of these
memories. That has crystalized my experience there, from that point on it was
down hill. EXCEPT for that you are here now and listening and caring. I don't
want to be the sad sack or tear bringer but I have not been able to let go of
these things. Thank you again and again for being there and helping me grow
past this. It has been too, too long.
Jill S posted 12/3/03 3:59 PM
I am probably making a mistake here, as I have said I was
done here. But here I go again! To mooseheade-the first thing I did after
having found this site and crying for a week was to e-mail Scott S. with an
apology for something I did to him at the hall. (hi Scott! Where the hell are
you?). I did things at the hall that I am ashamed of or I didn’t stop things I
thought I should (same difference). For years, all I saw was the negativity of
KH and dwelt there. But with time and a lot of personal work I was able to put
things in perspective. Then I saw the positive. I would not be alive today if
not for KH. And the positive bonds I formed with others are dear to me and go
to the core of who I am. What I need to do with stuff that happened there is
the same thing I need to do with stuff that happens elsewhere. If I feel I’ve
harmed someone I need to go to them privately and apologize and ask for
forgiveness. I need to forgive myself. And I need to forgive others. And I need
to be gentle with myself. Then I need to LEARN, LEARN, LEARN! One important
lesson I am learning (not have learned ‘cause I am continually learning this
lesson) is about collective consciousness. Wherever there is a group of people
there will develop a collective consciousness. If the collective consciousness
does not align with what you believe, try to change it. If you cannot change
it, get the hell out ‘cause it will surely change you. I was very afraid when I
first found this website. But I quickly saw that it is a beautiful positive
place and thank you, thank you, Karen, and everyone who participates. You all
are such a blessing to me. Had it been negative and filled with people who are
stuck in the negative I could not be here because I can go there too easily.
And Kathy reminded me of that. (thank you again, Kathy). Like Kathy, I have
worked too hard to let that happen, however, I must constantly guard myself
because I know how quickly I can go there. And so I must guard myself from you
as you go through your process. Although I wish you Godspeed in your healing.
And now I am done.
Doctor Detroit posted 10/30/03 3:12 PM
Today makes is my 1 year anniversary since I first arrived
on this site. I can't tell you how good these past 12 months of being back in
contact with all ya all has made me feel. Maybe the following will give you
some Idea. I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have
decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of a teenager again, I want
to go back to Kinsman Hall and rid myself of all commitments. I want to lie
under a big oak tree and hold someone real close, I want to watch a waterfall
on a hot summer's day, run barefoot on the newly fallen leaves in the woods I
want to return to a time when life was simple, when all you knew was where you
were, what day it was, and who your friends were, but that didn't bother you,
because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care. All you knew
was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that
should make you worried or upset. I want to think the world is fair. That
everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible. To
love and be loved from deep inside where it is so pure you ache. I want to be
oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little
things again. I want to live simple again. I don't want my day to consist of
mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month
than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of
loved ones. I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth,
justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, each other and most of all hope. I
remember such a place in Jackman Maine and I am going back. So . . . here's my
checkbook and my car keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements. My
heartaches and all my troubles I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if
you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first, I send this to
all ya all with great love and thanks for one of the most emotional and
exciting years I have had since I left. The world is ours I hope all you all
will join me.
The Unknown Resident posted 9/12/03 3:08 PM
Ladies, do I need to remind you that we are in mixed company
and that men do not/will not play hopscotch or admit to having dreams? Any
stone throwing would have to be at those people living in big glass houses and
dreams as we all well know are to be interpreted by Sigmund himself or his
assistant Doctor Detroit. I think Sigmund would be an excellent candidate to
revive at the seance and send to Kinsman Hall.
I can see him working in the dishpan along side the Doctor. The ladies
could show him grief therapy by grieving out their penis envy while the men could
grieve away never getting out of the anal stage. So everyone to the mats and
light a candle and chant after me "Where oh where did my Sigmund Freud
go?"....By the way I got a Sigmund Freud action figure for my birthday
(Thank you Gail) On a more serious note, I think B. F. Skinner had his hand in
how things were done around Kinsman Hall. I wonder if they make an action
figure for him???
bruce posted 9/12/03 7:16 PM
A sigmund frued action figure now that made me laugh What
exactly does he do ...snort cocaine while trying to seduce all those upper
class women in Vienna suffering from melancolia who just happen to be lying on
his couch telling their dreams to him. This is a great idea today's menu
consists of rice hamburger and mac & cheese something like the meals we
would have when we emptied the walk-in. Actually it's much better Well it's
back to work I'm taking monday off to play golf but please carry on in my
absence
The Unknown Resident posted 9/12/03 8:52 PM
Gee Bruce, how did you know? Did you help design the action
figure? Now I'm hoping to get the replica of his office for X-mas and maybe his
daughter, Anna for my next birthday. I hear the Maslow's action figure set
comes with a Timothy Leary blow up doll. How's that for a great
"higher-achy"?
mooseheade posted 6/24/04 10:13 PM
Hi Gail, everything you say is so, you are all the good
things that you say you are, that's why I keep coming back to visit. Yet as the
saying goes, "fool's rush in where angels dare to tread". I am not
afraid of you, not then, not now, yet association, identification with that
past is still so strong that to be pulled into that sense of self past, well,
that would just be wrong. As I've said, I remember you well, I remember one
marathon adventure when I layed next to you, massaging your shoulders, neck and
back, and thought to myself, "oh, what the heck", I slipped my hand
up the back of your shirt trying desperately with you to flirt, I was sure with
you I'd win the day, but coolly and calmly all you had to say was that, "I
could turn around right now and kiss you, but it wouldn't be true, you should
find someone else who's better for you", you went on to explain but I
didn't care why, yet what was done was done and all I could do was sigh. All
these years that have gone by and almost every women that I've met I ask
myself, "is this the one you meant?", but more than that I looked to
see if they were as good hearted as you, and yes, there were one or two, yet I
wouldn’t have known what was good if not for you.
Gail posted 6/25/04 11:27 AM
moose, you're flipping me out, I read your message three
times and until Jill e-mailed me and told me about the message, I didn't even
know you left me one, I was not home all day yesterday. I might know who you
are, I'm not sure. I remember very clearly one of my very first marathons that
was run by Barbara, it was I think my six month marathon or something like that
and I was laying next to Gary Vanhorn and I remember having a, I don't know
what to call it, but I thought I was flirting back, I remember Gary massaging
my back and neck and I remember his hand going up my shirt, I remember wanting
to kiss him also but I was scared and confused and at that time I thought Lynn
Gilbeda and Gary had something going and Lynn was a good friend of mine at the
time and it was never, and still is not my nature to every react to a flirt of
any guy who a friend of mine likes or is involved with. I also remember him
coming on very strong to me and that always scared me about men coming on too
strong but I know I let him get that close and I know I never let anyone else
in any marathon get that close physically to me, not that I can remember. The
only other person that I know cared a lot for me, besides Tom Consavage of
course was Tony, (don't remember his last name, he had a bad arm and hand). I
thought Tony and I were great friends, I cared a lot for him and he talked to
me all the time and I listened, not knowing how much he really felt about me
and it was a horrible situation, if you know him, then you would remember what
ended up happening and I cried my eyes out, but I don't think I was ever in a
marathon with him and I know I would have never let him touch me so you can't
be him. I do have a question for you, you don't have to answer me if you feel
you don't want to. But after all these years, why didn't you ever try and get
in contact with me after Kinsman Hall, or did you?
mooseheade posted 6/26/04 0:52 AM
Hi Gail, that's o.k. that you don't recall, life is like
that, what is a precious thing to one person, to another is nothing at all. All
the same I always liked you, being shot down for me was nothing new. Don't flip
out, there's no reason why, all these years gone by, just in the twinkle of an
eye. I knew Tony and Tom but not of their fates. They as you and all are
remembered by me, in prayers and thoughts and memories long dormant. It's odd
how things worked out for me there, after years of wanting to leave, I got used
to being there and thought I would stay on, but as fate would have it, I turned
18,with no more cash flowing, it was time for me to be going, Dean said I had
to leave, just like that. So no love lost, but no love remained, it made me
angry to believe that all that time spent had just been about the money. True
or not it's what I believed to this day, so I closed the door on that place and
everyone there, right or wrong, fair or unfair, it was simply the end of that
affair. I did not want to be reminded of anything or anyone from there ever
again. Having noted the comments and thoughts from this web site made me
re-evaluate many, many facets of my life from others perspectives, I have been
wrong about any number of things, it's good to see things from others eyes. I
hope I have not caused to much disturbance to you, I thought again that maybe
you'd remember me in such a way. I'll stay in touch again another day.
Gail posted 6/26/04 3:01 AM
Moose, I'm sorry I don't remember, I realize now that you
are not Gary Vanhorn because he split, he never stayed to the end. He split
with some wild guy. You know, it was never my style to "shoot"
anybody down, I never was mean to anybody and maybe it was you who just gave up
way too fast and didn't care enough to maybe try a little harder. If I let you
massage my back and stuff then I must have been attracted to you or liked you
at one point, or that never would have happened. I had a relationship with Tom,
I don't think I really liked him all that much at first, he kept being really
nice to me, letting me know that he liked me and being there without being
pushy but I didn't really like him that much at first but he kept saying things
to make me laugh and giving me space when I didn't want to laugh and then I
ended up really liking him. If you tried a little harder, then I would have known
right now who you are for sure, I remember every guy there who liked me at one
point because they either came right out and said so, or they at least tried
more then one time in a marathon room. The only other person I can think of
maybe is Kevin Wolf but I don't remember him ever rubbing my back. I had no
idea he ever even looked at me but a few years later, after the hall I think I
saw him at Sharon Urvelaks house and he told me he had liked me in a marathon
we were once in. I know it wasn't Joe Marino, he was in almost all my marathons
and I don't think he cared for me too much, I think he thought I had a big
mouth until the both of us failed the math part of our GED and we were forced
to stay up in the marathon room together with a tutor and study, study, study
until we got it right and then we both passed and temporarily were friendly.
You say you always liked me, but yet, you are upset that I don't remember, I
know you are, you said you hoped that I would so you want me to know, I know
you do and if you told me right now who you were, but I know that you wont, I
would at least know why I don't remember and you would know why also. I'm
pretty sure that you never really tried more then that once, you probably never
talked to me again or I would know, we probably never played spades or hearts
together and you probably never came to me to talk like others did or you would
have known what a good listener I was. So it all comes down to, you really
didn't like me at all, if you did, you would have felt I was worth giving it
another shot or two so now I don't remember, but you set the stage that way and
exited without going that extra mile.
Karen posted 6/26/04 3:06 AM
Mooseheade, you are a trip!!! At first, I truly got caught
up in your teasing people's memories so they would remember who you are, but
now am beginning to think such teasing for this length of time is a little on
the cruel side. Enough is enough! Everyone else here has revealed who they are
and there is no rational reason for you to continue to lurk in the shadows.
Kathy posted 4/2/04 5:10 PM
Hey Karen, I gotta say I don't even understand what was just
said...but, I will state my opinion...I know you have heard it, but here
goes...people should only be able to post under their own name, period...then
the person who has something to say will have to stand up for what they say...I
think the use of names is Childess..sorry, I know lots of you are probbably
saying..well poop on you Kathy..I believe in having fun, but with all these
aliases..it is confusing to me at best...but it also gives people the
"balls" to say what they don't have the "balls" to say and
sometimes what they are saying is just plain hurtful or meanspirited...now, I
know alot of times it is just for kidding around and puttig laughter in our
lives...but, can't we laugh under our own names, speak under my own name and
when we feel that it is hard to say something, then don't or grow through it an
say it. and if for fun as a kinda re line some uses a made up name...sign the
post with their name...I may be one of the oldest if not the oldest in the
group...but, it ain't like it use to be when I was 23..and wow did I feel old,
I gotta laugh at it now, cause most of ya'll were 16 to 19 years old..but, the
difference isn't the same anymore!
Just my 2cents
Karen posted 4/2/04 8:14 PM
I understand what you're saying and agree somewhat. I think there are a few "aliases" that everyone knows who the people are. Those people always put their email address along with the alias name so everyone will know who it is. What bothers me is to see people getting snippy for no reason. Hell, we all are different people and each has a right to be different. The problem in the world today is so many people are intolerant of each other's differences. Think of how boring it would be if we were all alike. How would we learn or grow? Maybe it's the state of mind I'm in right now that makes me react quicker than I usually do, but for me it would be as easy as looking up the IP address of the people who wrote those comments, but somehow I just don't feel like doing that. Maybe I don't want to know who it is or maybe it just doesn't matter right now. Kerry, I hope you're doing well. Let us know how you are, okay?
mooseheade posted 4/3/04 1:52 AM
Kathy.hello,once again I find myself being in the awkward
postion of aploigizing for my short comings. A position I am not used to. I
understand your feelings and am sympathetic to them. Once again thanks for
being as tolerant and patient as you are. I have to laugh when you mention how
"old" you are,I recall any number of times giving you a "blow
away" for any crazy reason and more than once you would respond by saying
you "were to old for this crap" or that I was just a little shit and
you would kick my ass! You could have but as I recall this act of rebellion
just got you into more trouble and were required to apoligize to me all the
same. Revenge is sweet though and as we flip flopped roles from time to time, I
would be on the recieving end of your wrath! Oh well, I guess what comes around
goes around. Hope your all well,one and all.
Kathy posted 4/3/04 3:59 AM
well I guess somethings never change...you still are a
little shit And I'm still too old for this!
Karen posted 4/3/04 5:57 AM
Touche, Kathy!!! Mooseheade, what can I say? Paybacks are
hell.
mooseheade posted 4/3/04 4:57 PM
what can I say? well said.
Gail posted 4/4/04 0:36 AM
Kathy and Moseshead, I was laughing so hard I was almost
crying! Thanks you guys, I needed that!
kerry posted 4/6/04 4:19 PM
Hi everyone! Thanks for all the well wishes, have the same wishes for all here My my my, did I unintentionally stir up a little "snippiness" (is that a word?) here, or what? In any case, my pain killers are still sitting on my kitchen table, untouched. But I WILL take 1 if I need to. Wondering if that day will come soon, as I expect more surgery around the end of the month to take out these pins and then put rods or who-knows what in. X-rays look good and the fracture is healing nicely, but the Dr. is concerned about the strong muscle spasms I have pulling the fracture apart again after he takes the pins out, so it's just a game of wait and see. He quoted me a recovery time of 6 mos. - 1 yr. (egads!) I suppose I should be grateful for the fact that I have something I CAN recover from, but many days I don't always feel so lucky... kind of like how I felt when I came to KH, how I was told I was so lucky to be given a 2nd chance- oh please, like a 17 year old drug addict is going to buy that- In any case I still don"t know if it was a "lucky" thing or not to be at KH, but I have decided it is a good thing to meet other people even under the worst conditions because you learn from those experiences (at least now I do) Enough of this philosophy stuff, I better get back to my bed now.
Take care
Kerry
P.S. Congrats to whoever is graduating from Stony Brook- so
sorry I forgot your name in the foggy places of my brain- SB is my alma mater,
graduated in 1991 witha degree in social work, I know how grueling it can be,
kudos to you!